MARIE + PATRICK
An abridged tale of love and grammar
Marie’s Version
Once upon a fall day in California … Marie and Patrick met in 2015 in Costa Mesa, where they both worked for the same financial technology company. After Marie left that job, she asked Patrick if he wanted to go on a date. They made plans to hang out the following day and have been hanging out ever since. On January 31, 2020, Patrick—knowing of Marie’s love for the annual Academy Awards ceremony—rolled out the red carpet at their home in Culver City and presented Marie with the Oscar for Best Girlfriend in a Lifetime, which she happily accepted. The best part: the gold statuette opened to reveal an engagement ring! As a result of the pandemic, they opted to marry in a private ceremony officiated by Patrick’s cousin, Mike. On October 10, 2020, Marie and Patrick were married on the Sunset Cliffs in Ocean Beach, San Diego. The next chapter? Celebrating with all of you in Manhattan Beach on October 8, 2022!
Patrick’s Response
I can’t back up all the details in Marie’s recollection of Our Story™ because it’s impossible to know the day, week, month, or year I met Marie.
And I’m not saying that as a setup for something cute, like “That’s because it’s felt like I’ve known her my whole life.” Though that would have crushed here, that’s not the reason. It’s just that time is an unknowable force, and trying to keep track of it is a Sisyphean task for only the most fool hardy watch owners.
What was this supposed to be about? (cheats off Marie’s) Oh, right. Our Story™.
At Happy Money (FKA Payoff), the financial technology company Marie so vaguely referenced, Marie was my boss. Like my immediate boss. Like “does my quarterly reviews” type of boss. And if I am one thing, I am a professional. So she got filed into the “Boss” folder in the great filing cabinets of my brain, right between the folders for that show “Bosh” and the science of “Botany.”
So when she asked me out, my brain short-circuited a little bit. Marie had been in the “Boss” folder (and quickly followed by the “Friend” folder) for so long that my sweet, little brain did not immediately register her sudden move over to “Romance Partner.”
“What? Huh? Wait? What’d she say? Like a date? Not like that fruit we only eat when it’s wrapped in bacon at weddings? Or the time one? The kind that can end in smooches? For real?! Someone go move her to the new folder. No, not in a minute, now! Gogogo. He’s floundering out there.”
— A direct quote from Patrick’s brain on whatever day that happened.
As my brain was losing its own mind, I think my mouth said something extremally sexy like, “Yes, that sounds nice.” We continued to walk along wrapped in that wet-noodle of a response until my brain finally righted itself. I then apologized for my initial reaction and said something super romantic, which I definitely remember, you just don’t have the clearance.
The rest is about right. We just never stopped hanging out as Marie kept getting moved to new folders. When we eventually quit dating because we got engaged she moved over to “Fiance.” And then again, when we called off our engagement because we got married she moved over to “Wife”. A tale as old as time. And as a man who has continually shown his aptitude for time throughout this tale, I should know.
Just like I know that I love Marie and I’ll spend all the time I’ve got being good to her. Every morning she rolls over, its me, just being good to her.
Though, I am starting to question why she wrote her Our Story™ in the third person. Why so disconnected from the story, Marie? Oh no. Did you get Body Snatcher’d or Freaky Friday’d? Marie, if it is you reading this, (specific question here)?